The Diabolical Temporary Tattoo Scheme
by Ameria
Summary: ZEL: I hate you.


I don't own these characters!  
  
ZEL: **gasp!** There is a god!  
  
The Diabolical Temporary Tattoo Scheme  
  
"/Temporary/ tattoos?" Ameria said, staring at a sheet of paper she had retrieved from a basket on the part of the checkout counter reserved for bait for suckers. "What /is/ this?"  
  
"Oh, those things stick to you skin for a while if you press them on with water," Lina said, glancing over.  
  
"With water...?" This information didn't make much sense to Ameria.  
  
"They aren't worth the money," Lina said, nodding to the crude sign attached to the basket. It said "One Bronze." Ameria began riffling through the sheets in the basket, curiously examining the images on each one. Lina waited for about five seconds, and then couldn't stand the boredom any longer. "Hey, Ameria, I'm going to go find something edible. I'll see you later."  
  
"Bye, Lina-san," Ameria said, absorbed in her search. A while into it she paused, and pulled one out that had caught her eye. "'Love and Justice..." she read.  
  
***  
  
Ameria gazed at her reflection in the mirror, absently sliding her brush through her hair. "Hey Ameria," Lina greeted. "Move, you're hogging the mirror," she added, shoving Ameria to the side. Lina had always been an expert at flipping off peaceful and serene moments. She leaned over the sink and stuck her nose about three millimeters from the mirror.  
  
"Lina-san, I--"  
  
"Which do you think is the best side of my face, Ameria?" Lina asked, narrowing her eyes at her reflection in intense scrutiny. Ameria carefully considered her answer.  
  
"Both sides of your face are beautiful, Lina-san."  
  
"Really?" Lina said, new sparkle in her eyes. "Oh, but I knew that of course!"  
  
"Lina-san, I'm not going to sleep in the same bed as you again."  
  
"Why?" Lina blinked, last time's incident apparently gone from her memory.  
  
"Don't you remember? I had to tie you to the bed because you were so violent in your sleep."  
  
Lina's face darkened. Ameria thought maybe she shouldn't have said that. "Anyway, I'm going to get some blankets and sleep on the floor. You can have the bed."  
  
"You are /not/ sleeping on the floor," Lina said, authoritatively.  
  
"But Lina-san, I--"  
  
"Hey, what about those temporary tattoos today? Did you buy any?"  
  
Ameria blinked at the sudden change of topic. After adjusting herself to it, she replied...and blushed. "Yes, actually..."  
  
"Well, let's see!" Lina trotted over to the bed and plopped herself down. Ameria retrieved the tattoo from her pouch of holding and walked over to Lina, holding it out. Lina took it and examined it. "'Love and Justice?' Honestly, Ameria, you're so predictable." Ameria took her tattoo back and looked down at it.  
  
"Actually...I was thinking of...but it's too mean."  
  
"No it's not," Lina said. "What is?"  
  
"Wouldn't it be funny if this was put on Zelgadiss-san tonight while he was sleeping?"  
  
Lina burst out laughing. "That would be perfect! Do it!"  
  
"No, you put to much stress--"  
  
Lina leveled another dark look at Ameria.  
  
"Never mind."  
  
"Well, if you're not going to do it, I am!" Lina said, grabbing for the tattoo.  
  
"No!" Ameria said, holding the tattoo aloft. Lina jumped for it as Ameria struggled to keep it away from her sticky paws. This, of course, ultimately ended in disaster, and they both ended up sprawled on the bed after Lina knocked Ameria off balance. "Lina-san," Ameria said, with some degree of effort. Lina ignored her, and continued grasping for the tattoo, a goofy but determined grin spread across her face. "Lina-san, stop. I don't want the male readers to get any ideas!"  
  
Lina threw herself off Ameria and looked about, glare fixed on her face.  
  
Ameria sat up and rearranged herself to look a little less pounced on. "All right, we'll do it."  
  
"But, Ameria--" Lina started whining, and then stopped abruptly. "We will?"  
  
"Yes, we will..." Ameria said, wondering if this would be too much for Zel's brain to handle.  
  
"All right!" Lina said, punching her fist at the ceiling in triumph. "Where were you thinking of putting it?"  
  
"I was considering his forehead..."  
  
***  
  
Armed with a wet cloth, Ameria and Lina crept quietly into Zel's room. Ameria cast a sleep spell to make sure he wouldn't wake up. They walked over to the bed, still keeping quiet out of nervousness, and peered down at the now completely helpless Zelgadiss, at the mercy of their hands. They both let out a little megalomaniacal giggle.  
  
Ameria pushed the completely unaware Zel's hair back, revealing his forehead. "I'm not sure if it would work on his forehead. His hair would cover most of it."  
  
"I'm sure he'd be happier," Lina giggled, "but we wouldn't."  
  
"And we are the ones that count," Ameria added. "How about across his nose and his left cheek? Then it is visible."  
  
"Brilliant," Lina laughed, scrubbing his nose and cheek. Ameria peeled apart the tattoo, and lay it down gently on his face after Lina finished her scrubbing. Lina held the cloth over the tattoo, suffering the boredom easily in her sadistic excitement. After it was over, Ameria peeled off the backing and they both stood back to admire their handiwork. "It's beautiful, Ameria," Lina said melodramatically, putting her arm over Ameria's shoulders. Ameria wiped an imaginary tear from her eye, and then choked out "Thank you, Lina-san."  
  
***  
  
Ameria and Lina awoke the next morning to a scream unlike any they ever heard before. It was permeated with pain, trauma, fear, and most of all, an 'I-will-KILL!' attitude. It was Zelgadiss. After this there was a loud and satisfying clunk. Ameria didn't even bother to wait to nurse the bruises she had received during the night from a Lina who's overdramatic even in her sleep. She and Lina raced to Zel's room. They burst through the door and took in the results of their hard work. Zelgadiss was passed out on the floor, 'Love and Justice' scrawled in glittering beauty across his face. They both fell to the floor laughing.  
  
End ^_~v 


End file.
